the four right chords can make me cry

Loneliness like a heartbeat
Drives you mad
In the stillness of the memory

Loneliness like a heartbeat
Drives you mad
In the stillness of the memory

posted by beckyboo @ 11:34 PM 0 comments

And so it begins

Today marks the start of an entire month of doing absolutely nothing. Which just happens so coincide with my brothers going back to school, so i have the whole house to myself now. (which may or may not be a good thing) So far, its been fabulous, woke up at 2pm today and im eating an instant noodles lunch now. Not half bad.

Flashback: Last day of work

Really will miss all of them, the thai cooks, annie, adam, lyn, zhenhong, jean, aisha, ben etc. Yesterday pina made those glutinous rice ball thingys in coconut milk again. I will always remember the way the kitchen looked as i chewed away at my bowl of stuff, trying to imprint memories.

And my memories there are so... sensory, for lack of a better word. The sight of the chairs all stacked up which made me feel so happy cos it meant we could go home. The sound of thai being spoken, its lyrical whinyness, my thai nickname. The smells created when they fried the chilli, smelt alot like popcorn, but at the same time acrid, stinging the eyes and making you cough. The wonderful taste of my favourite dishes, phad thai, green curry, peek gai sod sai, at once spicy sweet and sour. The slippery feel of the plates and glasses, all soaped up and ready to go.

I think working at siam kitchen was a good thing, really learnt alot, but its hard to explain just what i learnt. The kind of people skills i picked up, the aptitude i gained, the manual dexterity trained. But i guess most of all this sense of accomplishment. I decided to do something, and stuck to it, even when the going got tough, and i eventually became good at it. And yet as i read this paragraph, it becomes clear that its hardly an adequate explanation.

only thing is, wish i had done more catering! That was really fun! Miss all of them at catering, steph, michael, ah john, chong, etc.

Timo Serene Tian En and Dom visited me on my last day of work. It was fun having them! Cos it was such a slow day, at least i could go over and talk to them once in a while to dispel boredom. After work, me serene timo met up alvin (chow), meaning to go to jazz at southbridge. Unfortunately, there was a $17 cover charge and since only me and alvin had cash ($4 each), we decided against it. Crazily enough, we ended up at Mustafa. Haha, laugh if you will, but we bought 10 cds there and it only cost us a total of $40. After that we, or at least me, started to get really zonked so we abandoned plans of eating and alvin drove us home. DANG. I wish i could drive. Then i wouldnt have to trouble anyone to send me home anymore.

Got home late, 1amish. Hope parents are not too pissed off. But i really enjoyed myself! It felt nice to be with the (slightly) older people, made me feel... this is embarassing to say, but it made me feel grown up. I just feel i want to hang out till late like they do i guess. but saying this... sounds so childish? Ah well.

posted by beckyboo @ 2:35 PM 2 comments

The Ibanez RG. Nothin says lovin like a great
working class guitar. You can take a lickin
and keep on...well, playing. This is the one
for the rocker on the road.


Riddle Me This? Take the Electric Guitar Quiz!!
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posted by beckyboo @ 2:34 PM 0 comments

I have the best friends in the entire world! Thanks for encouraging me abt the last post, made me feel a whole lot better. Jiaquan, mandy and V, you guys are so sweet. =) Dont know what i did to deserve ppl like you...

Camp turned out to be... fun. Haha. I was just being paranoid yes. The seniors are super nice and friendly, amazing bunch of people. My group had 3 girls 3 guys (me weixuan shirley yuchen vinod shijun). While it wasnt an instant click kinda thing, we got along well enough. Learnt a whole bunch of hokkien cheers, which i cant pronounce properly cos i just dont have the ah lian attitude. We stayed overnight at underwater world, which was SO cool. Unforntunately i missed the fright night, which i hear was fantastic. Had beach games, felt kinda bad for vinod who had to carry me for the wrestling in the water game, cos i'm so heavy... =( a modified version of the kel chair game (played in the water!), and lots and lots of throwing the seniors into the sea! Woah, that looked quite jialat, the covered them with sand first, even into the guys boardshorts k. But very funny! They did a banana cheer before smashing a sand mound representing the guy's 'banana'. Gross but amusing.

hmm lets see what else i remember...

We stayed at Raffles Hall. The rooms are really small... but they are quite decent otherwise. Wouldnt mind staying in hall, if mom and dad can afford it. Argh, cant really remember things in chronological order so shall mention random incidents. Yuchen (aka glasses boy, haha) and vinod kept singing stayin alive and doing goofy dance moves. GRIN. They're funny. Honestly, without them the group would have been really quiet and boring. Weixuan and shirley are really nice, so glad to have them in my group, would have been lost without them. Abit worried that id be alone at first cos they came together, and i was afraid i would be the outsider. But fears unfounded!

ok, chinablack! I like the decor there, its quite nice. The whole place was NUS people, even later on, so it was a really safe environment. Almost like mass dance in a dark, smoky room. Felt very protected and looked after by the seniors. The music was quite alright, but towards the end it became techno and completely undancable. I cant dance, but then again, neither can alot of people i realise. And anyway, its so dark and crowded that you cant be seen dancing like an idiot. Some people got drunk. Strengthened my resolve never to get drunk. Throwing up on someone isnt very sociable in my opinion, and i would be too malu to ever face that person again. After that, went to Swensens, woah did you know they have a 24 hour outlet now?!

My secret pal! SP is this game we played, you're blind folded and led to this place where you get to talk to your blind folded secret pal for abt 15 mins. At first i was kinda disappointed with my sp, he seemed to be unable to make intelligent conversation, and was clearly more comfortable in chinese. Was really running out of things to say so i asked him what he liked the most about himself. And you know what he said? His health! I was like ... ok... But he turned out to be quite a nice guy, seems like a sweet and shy kinda guy. On the first day he said that he didnt quite know how to talk to girls cos he just got out of army! Haha! i found that cute.

Now im actually looking forward to school. I'm still a little afraid, but considerably less. Will actually know some people there, will actually know my way around science fac, will actually know some silly cheers (my favourite one is "how to kill a duck" which i will gladly demonstrate upon request). CANT WAIT!

posted by beckyboo @ 10:36 PM 4 comments

How to make a becky

Ingredients: 3 parts friendliness 5 parts ambition 5 parts energy

Method: Add to a cocktail shaker and mix vigorously. Add a little lustfulness if desired!

Hi people! I'm back!

posted by beckyboo @ 10:05 PM 0 comments

Haha, seems like i only blog to tell people that i will not be blogging. The irony.
This time i'll be at scamp, aka nus science camp, where i hope to meet fellow nerdlings who will accept me into their group and we shall crusade against the popular people (silently, of course). Ok, crazy talk. But yeah, i'm having the residual i-wont-fit-in doubts, although all my friends say thats just stupid, that i will be fine. But they dont know me, they dont know that just a few years ago i was a misanthrope. (you dont know what a misanthrope is, do you)
gargh. and they have a clubbing night. I am rather ambivalent about clubbing. I'm not one of those cool people, the fact that i can put on my own clothes is quite an achievement in itself, so you can imagine how unfashionable my dress sense is. And clubbing seems to be so much about your appearance, superficial. Furthermore, i dont dance. Im stiff, im awkward, SO awkward.
and yet, a part of me wishes i could be that funky dancing queen (y'know, dancing queen, young and sweet, only seventeen?) haha, pretty outdated yes.
Clubbing makes me feel like a child compared to my peers. It makes me feel like im lousy, fat, cant dance, and dont know the names of all the drinks. Toxic to my self esteem. But yet i went on mandy's birthday, hoping against hope that it wasnt true. Stupid.
The tension, the desire to conform to the standards of this world, the desire to live the Christian life, tension tension tension. God says that my identity is secure in Him, and I have an intellectual agreement with that. But in my life, I still live like I need to be like everyone else before i can accept myself. Times like these i really need to remind myself of the Truth and hold on to it unswervingly. But MAN, its tough.

On another note, zhen hong got fired today. He got caught smoking in the back. Kinda sad, cos he really was a nice guy, always help me carry stuff. Haha, at least they cant tease me about him anymore. But should still see him around in NUS la, i think. First time i've ever seen anyone get fired! Actually, just saw him taking off his apron and getting his bag, then asked him how come he could go home so early (cos sometimes if its not busy a few ppl are let off first). At first he just smiled and said "yeah going home earlier than you, haha". It was only 5 minutes later that i found out that Ben had actually fired him over the phone. Weird.

I'm very easily conned, yes.

posted by beckyboo @ 12:59 AM 3 comments

Hi everyone! Didja miss me? Getting a little too lazy to blog of late, have been writing more in my paper diary. But just to let you know i'm still alive, lemme sing you a song.

Its a beautiful song, the words are moving, the delivery is so emotional. =~)

So Beautiful

Found myself just the other day
In the backyard of a friends place,
Thinkin' about you,
Thinkin' of the crowd you're in,
What you up too where you been?
Just thinkin'

And all the clothes that you wear,
And the colors in your hair
Shouldn't change you
Now you tell me why it's so
You bigger than mighty Joe,
At least you think so

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

Throw my smoke down on the ground,
Turn my head and I heard the sound,
That reminded me
Of the days so young and sweet
Always so much fun to meet
At least I thought so

Now you think your so damn fine

You can rule the world no not mine,
I don't think so

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care

Now the scene that you're in,
And the people that you been with
Just get to me,
But you think I'm not as cool,
As you are so beautiful
Well here you fling

Well I'm here to tell you babe
The game youre in is just a game
So damn pretentious

God my fingers burn,
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know,
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down,
Plant your feet back on the ground

You think you're so beautiful
So beautiful

posted by beckyboo @ 1:39 PM 0 comments

Hey folks, just to inform ya, i'll be out of the country from sunday night onwards for 5 days. Off to Penang for church camp!!! Do pray for me, i'll be taking a group, leading worship and a devotion session too, and... i'm not exactly fully prepared. I havent even packed yet, and i dont have time to pack tmr cos i'm going to work straight after church AND i'll only be done at 9:30pm when the bus leaves at 10:30pm. That's what you call cutting it close. Live life dangerously!

Hope i wont be too tired out. When I was younger, the bus ride up was a matter of great excitement and fun. But now i'm just hoping i can get enough sleep. Gah, what is happening to me, i'm becoming a doddering old fogey.

Pray for high energy levels for me, as i try to give my 110% to the campers, setting the example enthu-ness and not falling asleep during message is desirable. But more importantly, pray that this camp will be a turning point for me, that i meet God there.

Great to hear from you again Hsing! What are you studying? When are you going back to Aussie? Will email you when i get back from camp. =)

posted by beckyboo @ 12:28 AM 0 comments

Had an eventful day.

Morning, watched this cool show on MTV called Made. They were trying to turn this geeky guy into a ladies man. Poor guy, people laughed at him along the way, he was made to give up his old way of life and clothes as though its a crime to be uncool. But more than that, it's such a shallow solution to an obviously deep self-image problem. They just tried to change whatever's on the surface, leaving the real issues untouched. And as for the objective, I found it objectionable! The challenge was that he had to find 3 dates in a day at the end of one month of 'training'. What is the merit of that?
Ok, very anti-climax of me, but I didnt finish watching the show. Cos i rushed out of the house at 10:45am to meet Michael at church at 11am.

We had lunch, part of his "have lunch with everyone" programme. Talked about what he's doing as our new youth director, the direction that he's taking us, his goals etc. I also talked about me, my family history, my role models in my life, the best and worst in my life. I think its great that he's taking so much time to get to know each and every one of us personally, and I told him much more than I normally tell people I dont know so well. His sincerity inspired honesty in me. Overall, it was quite encouraging.

Then rushed home, just in time for my very firstest driving lesson! My instructor cant speak english very well, and i have alot of difficulty trying to understand him. I wish he'd just stick to chinese instead, it'll be less confusing for me. But i'm quite happy with him, he seems like a really patient guy, friendly and nice in an uncle-uncle sort of way. I stalled his car like so many times, but he never got annoyed with me. I'm also amazed at how he can patiently repeat the same instructions to me over and over again and watch the same road over and over again as i drove round and round and round. Really enjoyed it, was thrilled to be driving, and I was pretty relaxed throughout the lesson. Yay!

When I got home, I packed my bag and rushed off to meet Ben. We went to make new specs today! Black plastic frames, you either love them or hate them. But since I like them, i'm not really all too worried if no one else does. Although I did drag Ben down for an opinion, I realise, I would have gotten the same pair with or without his approval. After that I went to work. I think I did a good job today, was cheerful and friendly with the customers. Enjoyed myself more than I usually do.

Today because Alvin was around and I couldnt bun up my hair as he required, Pi Na (thai chef) braided my hair for me. It looked bad apparently, but i didnt go check a mirror. So I wasnt aware and continued work without fussing about it. This is how I know i'm a really special girl, I can actually not even care about how bad I look even when everyone smiles laughingly at me when i walk into the kitchen (even the ah-neh).

We closed later than usual today, it was almost 11. I was pooped when I got home, but my strength suddenly returned when i had to nag my dad to take us out for supper. In the end all 5 of us went to the 24 hr prata place near my house. Piggy ol' me, ate mutton murtabak. Heh. and I wasnt even hungry k. (second reason why i'm a special girl)

posted by beckyboo @ 2:46 AM 5 comments

avoidant


Which Personality Disorder Do You Have?
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quite true, no?

posted by beckyboo @ 2:43 AM 0 comments